What should children leave childhood equipped with? Nellie Harden
What should children leave childhood equipped with? Self-discipline? Confidence? The number 6570 has everything to do with answering this question with guest Nellie Harden.
Transcript
Hello I'm Catherine your host of this variety show podcast
Catherine:Your positive imprint is transforming how we live today for a more sustainable tomorrow through education and information.
Catherine:Your own positive actions inspire change.
Catherine:Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, your positive imprint.
Catherine:Connect with me on LinkedIn.
Catherine:Visit my website, yourpositiveimprint.com and learn more about the podcast and sign up for email updates.
Catherine:And thank you for listening on apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify Podbean.
Catherine:Well, your favorite podcast platform.
Catherine:Music by the legendary and, talented Chris Nole.
Catherine:Check out Chris and his awesome music at ChrisNole.com.
Catherine:C H R I S N O L E Thank you again for listening and for your support of this podcast,
Catherine:your positive imprint.
Catherine:What's your PI?
Catherine:Nellie harden is a life coach and founder of the 6 5 7 0 family project.
Catherine:Well, what do these numbers mean?
Catherine:Well, Nellie is here to share what they mean.
Catherine:And I do have to tell you that when I learned what these numbers were, I was so surprised as I never, not once, not as single time ever thought about it.
Catherine:And these numbers are so important.
Catherine:well here now is Nellie harden who is changing the world one living room at a time.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:01:55
Self-discipline The art of learning
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:01:55
Nellie, it is so
Catherine:awesome to have you here on the show from North Carolina, in United States there along the coast
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:03
thank you so much for having me.
Catherine:Thank you so much for being here and sharing what you have to offer the world with your positive
Catherine:imprints.
Catherine:So Nellie, first, North
Catherine:Carolina along the coast, that just sounds so peaceful.
Catherine:Is that where you have lived your entire life?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:26
No, not hardly so, and it is peaceful and it can be.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:30
I'm from Michigan actually, right in the middle of the country, Northern middle.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:35
And then my husband is from Indiana.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:37
We met in college and we came to this small, small town where we now live.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:44
, there's only.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:45
About three, 4,000 people in the town that we live in.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:48
And we came here for spring break on vacation when we were sophomores in college.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:02:55
And we kept coming back many, many times over the years because it just had such a draw to us because it is peaceful.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:01
It's a, it's an old fishing village.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:04
Just on the, on the coast here.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:06
And we could just go and be.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:08
There was no pressures or anything like that.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:10
And I think it was after our 15th vacation here that we were walking down the road and my husband's like, why do we keep leaving?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:20
I.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:21
Don't know.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:22
And so, we had all of our babies at that point, and we took we took a family vote.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:28
We came here for three weeks to see if we could not just vacation here, but also live, live, and I have it all in writing on the back of a pizza place mat that
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:03:37
Oh, the vote.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:38
it, all the pros and cons.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:03:41
And by unanimous vote, we, we moved here in 2015, so yeah.
Catherine:So a little family gathering.
Catherine:That's great.
Catherine:I love that.
Catherine:You are a life coach and you have this amazing family project called 6,570 Family Project, or 6 5 70.
Catherine:And I, I was reading about it and it's so intriguing and I wish that, well, in a lot of ways I wish that I would've known this growing up because once you're grown up, That's it.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:19
Well, , so 65 70 6,570.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:23
That is, Plain and simple how many days are in the typical childhood mandated childhood today?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:31
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:31
That's zero to 18.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:32
So there's 6,570 days in 18 years.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:36
Now where childhood really, really ends for each person is different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:41
But culturally, That's how long that they have before they are legally an adult.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:48
They go off into the world and they're doing whatever that is that they're going to do.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:53
And so for me, I've really had a long journey myself in getting here.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:04:59
And I was a young woman that in my 6,570 days, the first ones of my entire life, that really, really do set the foundation for everything else that's going to happen in your life.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:05:14
I had a lot of things that went on during those some great many not so great; different interpersonal things that were going on and all of this.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:05:24
But when I left home which I left actually at 17, I just, I had graduated earlier and went off to college.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:05:32
I would not have been able to tell you at that point or have the vocabulary or know-how, but looking back, I really was not ready to leave home because I didn't have this foundation and not necessarily
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:05:52
And because I didn't have this foundation and this foundation that we really work on in the 65 70 Family Project is all about worth, esteem and confidence going into adulthood.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:08
And so, Where that comes from, how it's built in the family unit and the first half of childhood is different than the second half of childhood, which is where I really do a lot of my work.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:19
And the brain development that's happening during that time and the cultural and the psychological, the, the biological and even faith, comes in there too.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:30
It's such a pivotal time for that.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:32
And so, My work is really at that cross section right there between those the second half of childhood, especially in raising daughters, because I have four
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:50
And I work with young women out in the community.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:53
And my background, my entire background is biology, psychology.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:06:58
And I was a young woman, so I get it, I still feel like I'm 17 many times, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:05
And so it's just one of those I've made it further up the mountain.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:10
So I'm turning around and helping others behind me get up as well.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:13
And filling in those gaps for them and really teaching parents how to be incredibly intentional because today it is really easy to slip into and stay in survival mode and just get to the date of graduation
Catherine:So let's talk about the work that needs to be done within the 65 70.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:42
Yeah, every fam just like every person is different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:45
Every single family is very, very different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:48
And I am very sure to tell my clients when they come in or when I'm talking to prospective clients too.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:54
My goal is not to make you my family by any means.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:58
Like my family's my family.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:07:59
We have our own brand of crazy, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:01
I want to help you make your playbook for parenting and your playbook for how to raise your child because you know your child best.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:10
I don't know your child best, you know your child best, and your child is trying to get through this gauntlet of, their tween and teen years as well.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:19
And so that's the first thing is just understanding everybody's coming from a different perspective.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:23
And the work I do is whole family work.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:25
So I work with the parents, but in my program called Take the Lead it's all about.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:31
Leading, helping parents lead their their daughters and, and kids with to love and lead them in a way that teaches them to love and lead themselves before they leave home.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:41
So in Take the Lead, there's parent work and there's also child work in there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:46
And so, But in working with the whole family, understanding every family is its own.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:52
There's four keystones that
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:53
we do in there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:08:54
And remember the whole point is to build this foundation of worth, esteem, and confidence.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:00
But in order to do that, there's four Keytones that are paramount, and that first one is vision, and you have to figure out where you are in all of this, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:10
Are we in survival mode?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:12
Where do we even wanna go?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:13
Have we even ever thought of where we wanna go?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:17
What do we want our kid to leave childhood equipped with, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:21
That's a big question that many parents never get the chance to or never think of, or are never asked, what do I actually want them to leave home equipped with?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:32
Right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:33
And so figuring that out and then figuring out where you are in that, and then developing the path to get there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:40
And so, That's all.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:42
A part of vision is where am I?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:44
Where do I wanna go?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:46
And then we have discipline.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:48
And discipline, not consequence, not punishment, but discipline.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:52
The art of learning.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:53
Right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:54
That is going to teach you the way to connect those two points.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:09:57
Because as you and I know, if you're going from coast to coast, there's a million different ways to get there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:03
But what's the best way for you to get there?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:05
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:06
So, and what are some of those stops along the way that we are gonna make sure that we hit?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:09
So that's all about discipline and learning and how do I discipline them in a way that teaches them to discipline themselves, not get stuck in this parent-led
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:24
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:24
And then we go into vulnerability.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:28
And vulnerability is going to be able to give you the drive to go.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:33
So not only I do I know where I am and know where I wanna go.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:37
I have the way to get there, but I actually want to go right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:40
Because again, it's real easy for these walls to be built up between parents and kids Today.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:46
You don't understand me.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:48
You don't understand what I'm going through.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:49
You didn't live in this generation.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:52
You don't get it.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:52
You're old.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:53
You went to school, uphill both ways with snow type thing.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:10:56
And then parents are like, I don't get you because you're going through all of these things and it's different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:02
It's not actually different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:04
So that vulnerability and communication piece is where you're going to find your common grounds.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:09
You're gonna learn about one another in a way that you will be able to speak a language between the two of you that you might not have ever been able to understand before.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:18
So that's a beautiful, beautiful stage.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:21
And then we move into resilience.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:23
So, In any journey, you have to know where you are, where you're going, the way to get there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:29
You want, you have to want to go, but you have to have the strength to make it as well.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:34
And that's where the resilience piece comes in and all the tools, the mental, physical, emotional tools that you're going to need along the way.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:40
So all of that is what we teach.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:11:43
And take the lead in the 65 70 Family Project.
Catherine:So I wanna look at these from a point of view of being on the outside.
Catherine:Leaving the childhood equipped with something that will help throughout the rest of their life.
Catherine:That was me.
Catherine:My parents, they well-equipped us, but they did teach us self-discipline.
Catherine:Now, I see a lack of vision on the parents' end and more, my kid is privileged, therefore, you are going to let him play basketball even
Catherine:though he beat up the whatever
Catherine:whomever and I don't care that he has straight F's.
Catherine:He's playing basketball and you're going to let him play basketball.
Catherine:So then that second part, discipline is not approached , and this is me coming from the outside self-discipline and then moving into that vulnerability, the communication that I see
Catherine:Don't worry about it.
Catherine:I will get you out of this.
Catherine:And so the resilience, and being equipped, if parents were doing that, Would we not have a better nonviolent society?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:13
100%.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:15
That's why the work that I do, I always say the best way the easiest way, in fact, to change the world is through one living room at a time.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:25
That is how we're going to have change that affects the next generation.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:31
And so with this vision piece that that first piece, there's so much that comes in there that's mindset.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:38
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:38
It's mindset.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:40
It's who are you, what is your role as a parent?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:42
We really dive into that and question, what do you want your role to be as a parent?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:47
Are you going to, there's all the names too.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:49
There's the, there's the helicopter, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:52
There's the snowplow, there's the octopus, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:13:56
There's all these things, and those are all I am watching over you and micromanaging you, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:01
Which then they never learn how to manage themselves.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:04
And then there's the snowplow.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:05
You will never have any obstacles.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:07
So they never know how to handle an obstacle.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:10
And then there's the octopus parenting too,
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:13
and that is I am going to watch over you like a hawk.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:16
There's a actual species of octopus that does this when they give birth and those those eggs hatch, they watch over them so intently that they disappear into the water themselves.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:27
The, the, the female does.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:29
And so then you have parent dying to self in order to protect.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:34
And then again, that's not building so.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:37
So I call parents architects.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:40
We are family architects.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:42
Our job, our privilege, our responsibility is to build, design and plan the beginning of somebody else's life.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:50
And if we can help more and more parents get into that understanding and mindset of, hold on.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:56
I love this child fiercely.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:14:59
I love this child, but how is that showing up?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:02
Am I loving them fiercely enough to equip them for the rest of their lives because they're going to live more of their lives, God willing more of their lives outside of your home than inside of your home.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:12
So are you being an architect and planning, designing and building the beginning of their life?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:18
The first half of childhood, you do it for them, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:21
You're dictating life to them.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:23
This is who your friends are.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:24
This is where we're going, this is where what you're eating, this is what you're wearing, et cetera.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:28
And then the second half of childhood, you're doing it with them so that after childhood they can do it on their own.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:35
It is a training ground.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:36
I call it the sixty five seventy training ground.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:40
And so, It isn't just the, I have a kid, I'm going to love them fiercely, protect them with all I have, mama bear them, and then I'm going to release them out in the world and just hope for the best.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:50
There's actually a strategic plan in parenting and my earliest work was actually in the animal field.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:15:57
I started in marine hemology and with some other species out in the wild, and I'm so grateful for that because I was able to see, Parenthood and adolescence from such a black and white, animal perspective.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:10
Before I got into the , much more heavy, human realm about over 10 years ago, I.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:16
But even in looking at that, in that when they're very first born, it is just nurture, nurture, nurture, nurture.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:21
I wanna make sure that you're making it, make sure that you're getting all your physiological needs taken care of, et cetera.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:27
And then there's this training period where they are teaching the young how to forage, how to, get food, how to find a shelter, how to build a shelter, what have you.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:36
And then there's usually a separation after that.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:39
There are some that stay in packs or what have you, but there's usually a separation after that.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:16:44
And so even in our world, in the human world, doesn't matter how messy we get or how much technology we get or what have you, the the same principles still apply.
Catherine:I'm glad you have that background.
Catherine:First of all, because , when I look at animals and we have a lot of animals where I'm at and looking at how they live and how the mother teach the young we have a lot of deer and a lot of fun.
Catherine:We have bears and we have their cubs and just watching them teach and how to survive in the world and what they are going to equip their offspring with.
Catherine:So this is so interesting and I really love the 65 70, because it's almost.
Catherine:Well, it's, it's, your glass is full and let's keep it full during those 65, 70.
Catherine:And yeah, when you make mistakes, you're not gonna lose, any drink out of that, you're going to build on it, but you will lose drink if you're not going to pay attention to
Catherine:your four keystones vision,
Catherine:discipline, vulnerability, and resilience.
Catherine:Those are our key elements just in living.
Catherine:But now as a coach, you're bringing those, and so talk about your coaching and how that's looking in the realm of childhood and the growth and the changes.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:17
Yeah.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:17
And so I usually bring in families that have kids many times daughters, somewhere between eight.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:25
12, 13, 14, 15, somewhere in there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:28
And there's some that come in when my kid is 17.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:31
Is it too late?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:32
No, it is not too late.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:34
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:34
And I always
Catherine:hear.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:36
it's never too late.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:37
I'm a, I am a very visual learner.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:40
So I, in the first half of childhood, you're, you're, like I said, building things for them.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:45
Second half, you're teaching them all these things.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:46
It's like you've built a boat for them in the first half.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:49
The second half, you walked it down to the water, they're in it.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:52
But you're connected by this rope that's 6,570, feet long.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:57
And so when a storm comes, do this.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:18:59
When you know this is how to navigate or this is how to get your food and be able to take care of that, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:06
All these different things out on that boat, and when they need help, you ring them back in.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:10
This is what we are, okay, let's try it again and let's go out.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:12
Right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:12
And all these things.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:13
And then at the end they go off and , they're on their own adventure and they come back, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:18
You're consultants at that point.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:20
You're the lighthouse.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:20
At that point.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:21
They can always come home, but they're off on their own adventure and you have yours too.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:26
And But during that time, it is never too late.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:30
You think about the, the parent that has a completely distraught relationship with their child, and then we've all seen it in so many shows and movies and, and maybe in real life too,
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:45
And every, there's closure there and there's healing, and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:49
Right there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:50
It's never too late.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:51
Someone could go 90 years and being terrible, but just redeem at the end and it's okay.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:57
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:19:58
And things have had some closure.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:00
And so if your daughter is, or your child is 17 and turning 18 next week, there's still time to have those really vulnerable conversations and still follow the same steps.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:11
It's just gonna be a little bit more ex expedited.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:13
Right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:14
And keep in mind, brains Because I, I do a lot of that neural work in combination with this too.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:20
Their brains are not fully, fully like online until about 25 years old.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:26
And so even when they leave home at the end of the 65 70, they are still very much under construction in their brains during that time as well.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:35
And so continuing to help and guide and be counselor during those times is really important.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:41
But as far as what we do and how that looks, It really has to do with an understanding of what's going on in the brain right now.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:20:49
Because a child's brain, it's really easy to look at a 16 year old and be like, they're just a, a smaller version of us, a younger version of us,
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:01
And so understanding those differences and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:05
Maybe why they're making decisions that they're making, maybe why they're relying or being more risky, or not seeing consequences that could come down the line.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:15
That really helps a parent be like, okay, they're not just doing this because they hate me, or because they have a wall up, or because they're being stupid or what have you.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:24
Right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:24
It's so easy for a parent to be like, I don't understand why you're doing this.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:28
Right, and that's fair because your brain works different than their brain does right now, but.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:33
If you understand that it works differently.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:36
It's like a child that's just born and six months old, you don't expect them to go do your taxes, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:41
And so, at the same account, there's some things that we need to train and guide in our teenagers and, and tweens or our young teenagers.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:21:52
There's some things that we can guide and train and guide toward, but they're not necessarily things that we can expect them to do first run.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:22:00
So it has to do a lot with understanding biology, understanding relationships, developing that psychology, and then figuring out what's going on in their culture, what's going on
Catherine:So the neuro part is very interesting because my background in literacy happens to be the brain and the development, how we develop the brain for speech and oral language and reading literacy.
Catherine:And it's not something that you are born with.
Catherine:The brain has to be developed
Catherine:Decision making.
Catherine:Your amygdala has to be developed.
Catherine:And in order to do that, you have to bring in skills and scenarios, and of course, as we get older, the lining starts to deteriorate.
Catherine:Including the amygdala.
Catherine:So kids whose brains have not fully developed and they're going off to war and seeing things or being a part of things,
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:23:08
And they don't know what to do with it or how to deal with it.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:23:12
And then PTSD is very high especially the according to the research, these kids who are so young because they haven't had that developed brain yet.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:23:24
So what you're talking about is very interesting because it, it falls along the same lines and we always hear that males take longer to develop than females, especially in
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:23:42
Wow.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:23:43
So do you do scans of the brain at all?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:46
No, I do not.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:47
I rely on other people's amazing research.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:50
There's a book I'm reading right now, it's actually on my desk the
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:53
teenage.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:53
Brain, which
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:54
I highly recommend.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:55
It's by
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:56
Frances E.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:57
Jensen.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:57
And it's fascinating.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:23:59
It's, it's definitely technical, so it's not a soft read, but for anyone interested, it really does open the eyes a little bit more.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:07
It takes me, and I love it.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:09
It takes me back to my my college days.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:10
I feel
Catherine:Yeah.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:11
like back.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:12
I, I love to learn, which.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:14
To your point and, and talking about these things, so there's two, you, you mentioned the gray matter and I wanna just kind of pause on that for a second because, so your
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:30
And so just a, a couple of fascinating facts here that the most gray matter that you will ever have, you have at about six months gestation.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:41
Okay, so that's before you're ever born.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:44
It starts deteriorating after about six, seven months gestation.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:49
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:49
But why babies are born and you're like, if they have all the neurons, then like, why aren't they just, coming out and business suits and doing Mozart and what have you?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:24:59
And it's because they don't have any connections yet.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:03
And so it's like, being in a big room of a lot of extension cords that are unplugged, and so that's great.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:12
They're just lying around.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:13
But it's when you start connecting things over time that the magic starts happening.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:18
So, So that being said there's two great times of pruning that happen.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:24
And so one of them is during the teen years and it's very much a, a use it or lose it type of progress, but So things that happened when they were super young, if they were bad and they're
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:41
They might still understand the facts, but some of those emotional connections can be severed, which is really good news for a lot of a lot of adoptive cases, right, where
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:25:56
But also, It could be a not so good thing if you worked with them really hard in those, first half of childhood with reading and exploration and going out and, looking at things under microscopes and everything.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:07
Second half of childhood, you're like, mm, I did that.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:10
And now we don't really have to do that because check the box.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:13
But if you don't continue exploring interests, going on adventures, having, discussions, reading things that intrigue them and all of that, then a lot
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:24
of that gray matter can
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:25
go and so that's something to keep in mind.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:28
It is a pruning process that is beneficial to them in order to hone in on what they can do best.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:36
And so
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:37
during the teen years is
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:38
such an important time to invest in interests and discussions about those interests and go on.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:45
And I, I always think about, the soccer field, you have 20 balls.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:48
If you keep, kicking one and going down and kicking the other, it's not gonna go very, very far you want to
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:54
leave some of them alone and kick maybe three down the soccer field and you're gonna get there much faster.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:26:59
And that's the, that's the idea.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:01
What your
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:01
brain is doing, during
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:02
the teen years now as adults.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:05
And that as adults, we can start to deteriorate because of degeneration.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:09
And that's a different kind of pruning, but it's intentional during the teen years.
Catherine:Interesting.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:27:14
What are the best ways for the less fortunate to reach out to somebody like you?
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:27:20
How can they, when the accessibility is limited,
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:24
Right.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:25
And I think this is one of the beautiful things that social media can do.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:30
Honestly, I am, social media can get a really bad rap and, and especially in the work that I do, right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:36
And there's reasons for that, but it can also be used for good and beautiful things.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:41
And so there's.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:43
YouTube,
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:44
there's Instagram or Facebook and things like that, and people can get plugged into communities and plugged into a place where they can ask those
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:27:58
This situation is happening.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:00
One thing I would really encourage though, is what I notice is there are a lot of Facebook communities especially that I've seen that are just
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:10
tirades, I mean, for lack of a better word, it's just a complaining session and they have tens of thousands of people in there that are just like, sorry, I just need to vent and I just need to get all of this out.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:24
And there, there's definitely a cat cathartic note to venting, something like that, but that might not be the place to do it because then you have
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:33
242 people that are enforcing your vent, which then just gets your dopamine rush going and saying, oh, I should do this more.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:42
And then you're focused on the problem instead of focusing on solutions to walk forward.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:48
So getting locked into, into a community that actually is solutions focused and positive focused, and we get this.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:28:58
It's hard, and no one is saying that it's not.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:01
And I wanna hug you, support you, and help you through this.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:04
But we're going to work through this toward a solution.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:07
We're not going to walk through this toward, a deep, dark hole that no one knows the way out of.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:11
And so for anyone listening, just make sure the communities that you are in are walking you toward something right?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:21
Toward a purpose, toward a positive solution for whatever you're going through, and not just.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:26
A vent vent hole.
Catherine:That's very good advice and social media has its positives for sure.
Catherine:And and definitely the other way as well.
Catherine:Thank you for sharing that.
Catherine:, and you can
Catherine:actually be found at nellieharden.com.
Catherine:And that's n e L l i e H A R d E N.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:29:47
How did you come up with 65 70?
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:29:50
Why did it.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:29:51
Come to this.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:29:52
What were you thinking when you were putting together your practice?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:29:57
So, My, my dad passed away when I was super young.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:01
I was only one and a half when he passed away.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:05
And thank you and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:07
Then fast forward many, many years.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:09
It was 2010 and my husband
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:13
in 2008 had been diagnosed with a cardiac condition.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:18
And it was it was debilitating at the time and we went through two years of a lot of things and all of our kids were there.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:27
So I was, dealing with a husband that couldn't go up and, and my husband has always been exuberant.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:33
Super enthusiastic very extroverted and he couldn't go up and downstairs, he couldn't get through goodnight Moon, like more than three pages without falling asleep.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:41
His heart was just that week at the time, and so in 2010 he had to have heart surgery and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:49
Sitting in the waiting room.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:50
That's really when I can attribute starting to put this together, sitting in the waiting room and just understanding.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:30:57
We had been through two years of, at that point of really changing our family dynamic, having to be really real with one another and our kids because our kids were 6, 4, 4 and two at the time.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:11
And so having to be very real with them going through it together, walking through it together, and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:17
Just being in a very vulnerable space, but it also made us so much stronger.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:23
I look around, I looked around at other families that, were just going to gymnastics practice or soccer practice, and, and just in school, whatever.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:31
And, and I saw that we had been through a lot, but it had made us so much stronger and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:38
After my, and my husband is still here today.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:41
And but after going through those things, it, it really just set the wheel for intention and saying, okay.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:50
This is how many days that I get to have you and I am impacting your life in a way that I will never have the chance to impact your life in, in again.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:31:58
And that's this beauty of this 65 70.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:02
You are in a role that will never be reprised.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:06
And so when I am here, What can I do in order to best equip you to go out and live the life and impact the world however you are uniquely designed to impact it.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:21
And so that's why that's, it goes back to that different fingerprint for every person.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:25
I have four daughters.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:26
They're four corners of a square.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:28
They're very, very different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:29
I even have twins in the middle.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:30
They're very, very different.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:32
And so parenting each one of them is different also because I've gotten to know each one of them on an individual basis and what they need and how they tick and how they work
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:46
All of that and.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:32:48
When you get to know them on that level, then you can better design your path of training and guidance and relationship so that you can get them to where they wanna
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:33:02
And so it was really in that hospital waiting room I can attribute and look back to and say, okay, dad's in surgery.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:33:09
I don't know what's gonna happen.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:33:10
We really didn't know if he was going to make it.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:33:12
He made videos for all the girls and but I was like, this is how much time we have.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:33:17
How are we gonna use it?
Catherine:What a touching story.
Catherine:What a touching part of your life that pushed you forward in a way you never, ever thought existed.
Catherine:Possibilities are there, but we don't know of them until something occurs.
Catherine:Thank you for sharing that
Catherine:story, Nellie.
Catherine:Wow.
Catherine:That,
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:33:39
And so your work continues, and of course it's global.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:33:43
You are global, you are bringing change to the world through 65, 70, and I love the, your tag your tagline, change the world, one Living Room at a Time.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:33:56
And.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:33:57
I commend you for sticking with this program the way you have set it up.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:03
Well, thank you so much.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:05
Nelllie we always
Catherine:end your positive imprint with last inspiring words and what are yours.
Catherine:You've been inspiring, of course.
Catherine:And what are your last inspiring words that you'd like to leave us here with today?
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:20
I would just say I, one of the favorite sayings that we have in our house is we are raising these four teenage girls, is.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:28
Learn how to discipline yourself so others don't have to.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:32
And it's been a big game changer for a lot of us many times, and even for us as adults, to remember that sometimes.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:40
. So just learn how to discipline yourself so others don't have to.
Catherine:That's fabulous.
Catherine:Thank you so
Catherine:much, Nellie for.
Catherine:Everything
Catherine:that you're doing here in our world, in the community, and up there in North Carolina.
Catherine:I appreciate you
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:55
Thank you so much for having me on.
nellie harden 12 Guest 1 00:34:57
I really appreciate it
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:34:58
To learn more about Nellie, go to nellie harden.com, N E L L I E H A R D E N.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:06
So as you know, our little dog Maka died.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:09
In remembrance of Maka and all of our family pets and your family pets I'm going to hold a writing contest.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:16
I would love to hear your stories about your family pets.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:19
Write them down 1000 words or less.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:22
Share your loving story, your emotional story.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:25
Your funny, humorous story about your family pet or pets.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:28
Pets include dogs, cats, birds, horses, fish, snakes, salamanders.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:33
Whatever family pet you love, and maybe the pet was your childhood pet.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:38
Any story is fabulous to share as long as it's appropriate.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:43
So write those stories and send them to me via my website.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:46
Go to your positive imprint.com and go to the homepage.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:50
The deadline is July 15th.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:53
So get your story in N well, what will you win?
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:57
Well, I'm excited about it.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:35:58
I hope you are too.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:36:00
I will feature you and your winning story in August or September, 2023, right here on your positive imprint.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:36:08
And of course I do reserve the right to exclude and disqualify inappropriate stories.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:36:14
Well, thank you so much again for the emails and for joining me here on this episode.
nellie harden 01 Main Mic 00:36:19
Your positive imprint.