Misty Compton’s Journey Towards Self-Love

Author of Escapegoat Daughter, Misty Compton shares her heart-wrenching journey about cutting ties with her mother and sister, whom she believes have narcissistic personality disorders. With the support of her fiancé, she begins to heal from decades of trauma, denial, and self-doubt. She continues to heal from her depression and anxiety. Misty gains self-love through the process of finding who she is and growing into the authentic woman she’s always wanted to be.

Transcript
Catherine:

Forgiveness was a step Misty was able to take once she truly began loving herself.

Catherine:

Forgiving her mom was Misty's step in being able to move forward with her life with Kendall and their new son.

Catherine:

Her awareness of her own pain, her own life's mistakes was the start of Misty's forgiving of herself

Catherine:

and a new beginning with healing.

Catherine:

Hello, I'm Catherine, your host of this variety show podcast.

Catherine:

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Catherine:

C H R I S N O L E Thank you again for listening and for your support of this podcast, your positive imprint.

Catherine:

What's your PI?

Catherine:

misty Compton left the criminal justice field to express herself through writing.

Catherine:

She's a freelance writer who spends much of her time mentoring others who suffer from anxiety.

Catherine:

She shared her positive imprints regarding freelancing on episode 143.

Catherine:

Misty says to be true to yourself and be authentic.

Catherine:

, today she provides positivity worldwide with her new book, Escapegoat Daughter, a memoir of one woman's decision to go No contact with her family.

Catherine:

Wow.

Catherine:

Deep title and we will hear all about it.

Catherine:

Misty, welcome back to Your Positive Imprint how are you?

Misty Compton:

Thanks, Catherine.

Misty Compton:

I'm doing awesome.

Catherine:

You mentioned a little bit about, , your history with anxiety and your family relationships, and so now you're putting it all out into the open and also mentoring others who are suffering from anxiety.

Misty Compton:

So the book that I finally wrote, , I needed some help to actually get to the point of actually writing it, , because it is a very sensitive story and topic.

Misty Compton:

, but I was able to write it because of my husband.

Misty Compton:

So kudos to my husband, Kendall . Gotta do that.

Misty Compton:

, so yeah, my book, Escapegoat Daughter is a memoir.

Misty Compton:

I started writing it September of last year and I was able to get it done, written in less than six months.

Misty Compton:

I edited it and I published it with the help of a memoir coach Carolyn Hamilton.

Misty Compton:

She is fabulous, so if anybody wants to write a memoir story, she's great.

Misty Compton:

, but so I was able to write my book and what my book is about is my discovery

Misty Compton:

of my mom's possible narcissistic personality disorder.

Misty Compton:

And I say possible because she's not formally diagnosed.

Misty Compton:

And it's just what I've seen, what I've researched and what I've observed.

Misty Compton:

It was originally a journal of my discovery of my mom's personality disorder and I turned it into a book.

Catherine:

Misty explains what a narcissistic parent is, and here's that excerpt from her book, escape, goat daughter, Kindle edition core cavity, LLC.

Henry:

What does Nparents mean?

Henry:

NParents means narcissistic parents.

Henry:

Narcissistic tendencies, like grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of empathy.

Henry:

According to HelpGuide.org people diagnosed with narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, are in love with a romanticized grandiose view of themselves.

Henry:

They are in love with this inflated self-image because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity.

Henry:

An unrealistic sense of self-importance, living in a delusion fantasy world of greatness, a sense of entitlement, a need for constant praise and attention, judging others

Misty Compton:

From there, I had to make this really, really hard decision, but I feel a lot of other daughters in the world that are struggling with this and their mothers.

Misty Compton:

do I keep contact with a toxic person?

Misty Compton:

, even though she's got the label of mom or he's got the label of father, it's , do I keep that in contact or do I cut ties or do I limit the contact I spend with them?

Misty Compton:

And so my book goes into details on first observing , the personality disorder and what it might look like..

Misty Compton:

And so it's relatable to other daughters going through this.

Misty Compton:

And then from there I had to pick between those three options of either keeping contact, , limiting contact or cutting all ties.

Misty Compton:

And I tried doing , the first two and it didn't help my life.

Misty Compton:

I'd come home and I was super negative to Kendall and my life was just very Broken and I couldn't sense why, I felt the way I did.

Misty Compton:

And you carry a lot of guilt with, , when you have relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorder, you put a lot of guilt on yourself and, , you wanna make them happy.

Misty Compton:

right.

Misty Compton:

And I just, I felt I could never make my mom happy, and it crushed me and it made me realize that our love was conditional and not unconditional, which it should be.

Misty Compton:

And it's sad, but you know, it's something that you have to be aware of and know that it's okay if you choose to go no contact like I did, where I cut ties with my mom

Misty Compton:

So that's a little bit about my book,

Catherine:

You've talked about journaling.

Catherine:

So how important and how far back does your journaling go?

Catherine:

Because I think that's something that's important for people to know that journaling is something that can help themselves.

Catherine:

So talk a little bit about the journaling and how far back it went and how it helped you to move forward with positive imprints in your own life.

Misty Compton:

So I started really journaling in 2018, so a handful of years ago.

Misty Compton:

And.

Misty Compton:

, A lot of it was just to document my feelings because sometimes it's really easy to avoid your feelings and then they pile up and then you really suffer from anxiety and depression and sometimes you can't

Misty Compton:

And so I started journaling about five years ago and I still journal.

Misty Compton:

Um, only the type of journaling I do now is more for my son my newborn.

Misty Compton:

I just had him in September, so I've been journaling weekly.

Misty Compton:

Thank you.

Misty Compton:

, yeah, I've been journaling weekly to him and it's almost a reassurance for me at the same time to let him know that I may make mistakes, but I want him to know that I love him unconditionally.

Misty Compton:

I wish my mother would've done something like that because then I would know for

Misty Compton:

that she did love me, but it doesn't seem like it.

Misty Compton:

We haven't talked in three years, but I have done a lot of therapy and the journaling has helped with my anxiety and depression.

Misty Compton:

, I also am taking antidepressant medication, which does help as well.

Misty Compton:

So talking, medication and journaling has all been beneficial.

Catherine:

And do you go back and read the journals

Misty Compton:

Yes, I do.

Misty Compton:

Whenever I'm feeling guilty and down

Catherine:

Let's talk about the narcissistic personality disorder and what it is.

Misty Compton:

So there's two types of narcissism.

Misty Compton:

There's a few more other types, but the main ones are covert and overt narcissist.

Misty Compton:

And overt narcissist in the psychological dictionary they have ways to treat an overt narcissist where they are very grandeur and they have this fake world set up around them

Misty Compton:

because they have low self esteems and, they feel they're superior than others and entitled, and they don't hold themselves accountable to mistakes.

Misty Compton:

They project, they do a lot of gaslighting, and so their feelings get pushed onto you.

Misty Compton:

So there's a lot of toxicity in that disorder, and oftentimes the person with the disorder doesn't even know they have it or they refuse to admit it.

Misty Compton:

, the covert narcissist is somebody who really pulls on your heartstrings, trying to guilt trip you.

Misty Compton:

They fake sicknesses.

Misty Compton:

It's more underhanded, which is really hard to, to see that they are a narcissistic person.

Misty Compton:

I think my mother was overt and I believe my older sister might have been covert.

Catherine:

Interesting.

Catherine:

And you talk a lot about that in the book.

Catherine:

And you had a lot of dialogue and a lot of texting between you and your family.

Catherine:

Now with your relationship

Catherine:

It doesn't just go back to the 2018 when you start, or 2017 when you started journaling.

Catherine:

This anxiety and the depression, goes way back to, when you were just a toddler.

Catherine:

There's one part in the book in which Misty explains what happened to her beautiful hair.

Catherine:

And here is that excerpt from her book.

Catherine:

Escapegoat daughter

Carla:

when I was eight my mother had gotten so fed up with taking care of my messy curly hair that she sliced it off.

Carla:

I had stared at myself in the mirror.

Carla:

A hideous boy had stared back.

Carla:

He had a few inches of hair around his entire head.

Carla:

He couldn’t hide the small jaw that when he looked down gave him a double chin.

Carla:

He wore awkward oval-framed glasses.

Carla:

His mouth was full of open gaps and crooked teeth.

Carla:

On the side of his nose was a large and unattractive brown mole.

Carla:

The repulsive witch boy in the mirror couldn’t be me, so I called him, “my ugly twin.” That night, I sobbed for hours and slept on a wet pillow.

Catherine:

But a lot of families, a lot of families have Miscommunications, , disconnections.

Catherine:

What makes the narcissism something that is different.

Misty Compton:

Right?

Misty Compton:

Every family has disagreements and you don't always get along with everybody in your family.

Misty Compton:

And I think personally, I think it's best to keep a family together even though I decided to cut ties with my family, there's reasons when you actually decide, okay, I'm gonna do this.

Misty Compton:

, this is not an easy choice.

Misty Compton:

It's not something that I wanted to

Misty Compton:

And it was really difficult.

Misty Compton:

, there's a lot of guilt with cutting ties with my family,

Misty Compton:

So the time that you're supposed to cut ties with family is when you can't hold your boundaries anymore.

Misty Compton:

And that was something that I saw in myself.

Misty Compton:

I couldn't keep my boundaries and.

Misty Compton:

With narcissistic personality disorder, it's an abusive circle.

Misty Compton:

So you get the honeymoon phase where they, they give you little pieces of love I, I care about you.

Misty Compton:

And you're , oh, they care about me.

Misty Compton:

And then they start sprinkling in little pieces of abuse, things they say or things they do.

Misty Compton:

And then when you try and bring it up , it's a full blown attack on you, and then you get punished for bringing up a problem versus resolving the problem and then the only way to fix it is by

Misty Compton:

And so it's very one-sided.

Misty Compton:

. So healthier families will have disagreements, but a family with a an abuser , this circle, this abusive circle.

Catherine:

And here's another excerpt from Misty's book describing her deep emotions.

Carla:

As I sobbed alone at work, it reminded me of the countless times I wept in my bedroom as a child.

Carla:

I had wished that my mother would walk in and wrap her arms around me.

Carla:

Whisper in my ear, say she loved me, and would always be there.

Carla:

I felt betrayed.

Carla:

I felt robbed of my mother’s love.

Carla:

abandoned.

Catherine:

Obviously cutting ties, that's not what anybody wants to do, but as you said, you have these boundaries and where do you go from there?

Misty Compton:

Yeah, I feel.

Misty Compton:

My book was a big key to a lot of this.

Misty Compton:

, for one, just getting the emotions out there, and I feel like a lot of women in general, I feel we have a problem with being assertive and holding our boundaries in general.

Misty Compton:

And there's plenty of coaches out there that can teach you to hold boundaries.

Misty Compton:

And I think a, a really key thing is, limiting beliefs.

Misty Compton:

You wanna cut those outta your life and just replace them with other things.

Misty Compton:

So instead of saying , this is what I always do and I don't have any , voice in this, you gotta change that and replace it with something more like,,

Misty Compton:

so I can stay healthy.

Misty Compton:

Whether it's a, a time boundary, an energy boundary, a money boundary.

Misty Compton:

there's plenty of different types of boundaries out there.

Misty Compton:

And so I think the key is replacing the old with new and healthy information.

Misty Compton:

And something I did to do that was go through multiple different types of therapy I went through

Misty Compton:

uh, I went through narcissistic abuse recovery coaching with a specialty person, and then from there I went and did cognitive behavioral therapy.

Misty Compton:

So just talk therapy.

Misty Compton:

But I realized after talking about it for so long, it's you can only talk about it for a certain amount before it starts just putting you back into the circle of abuse.

Misty Compton:

You're just reliving it and you're not actually fixing anything.

Misty Compton:

You're just talking about the same things over and over again, and it's up to you to release that, that negativity, the energy, but sometimes talking doesn't do that for you.

Misty Compton:

My poor husband, he was my coach for a while, and I would vent him all the time about all these stresses with my family, and he's not , , educated in therapy, right?

Misty Compton:

And so he's , I can only do so much.

Misty Compton:

And I realized even talking to my talk therapist, they can only do so much.

Misty Compton:

And so I dug deeper and I went into EMDR therapy.

Misty Compton:

. it means, eye movement, desensitization and processing.

Misty Compton:

It's something like that.

Misty Compton:

It's a long verbiage, but EMDR therapy is something that really digs down to the root causes, even from five years old.

Misty Compton:

some of these memories, you don't even think they're that, that prevalent in your current situation, but , sometimes you just don't feel the emotion when you're five years old or seven years old.

Misty Compton:

You just push it away and they get locked up inside of you.

Misty Compton:

So when you're 25 or 40 or 60, it's still with you.

Misty Compton:

And so doing emdr, it gets to that root cause and lets you release that emotion.

Misty Compton:

Um, through, , the EMDR techniques and so I would definitely suggest doing EMDR to help with the guilt and moving on past the abuse.

Catherine:

So you had that in your book and the first thought that I had, because it's eye movement, I wondered if it was a type of hypnotizing, but it's not.

Catherine:

So share a little bit about, , the technique

Misty Compton:

okay.

Misty Compton:

So there's a handful of types of EMDR techniques where it's you do tapping.

Misty Compton:

So you can tap your arms or you could tap your legs, or there's a machine that you hold in both your hands and it sends these signals to each hand, a little vibration.

Misty Compton:

Um, it just all depends on what you feel comfortable with.

Misty Compton:

And so for me it was tapping.

Misty Compton:

So I would tap my arms and I'd close my eyes and my therapist would walk me through just relaxing and first bringing up that negative thought, that negative

Misty Compton:

. And so there was points in there when I was six, seven years old.

Misty Compton:

Some of those memories were popping up and I would just cry.

Misty Compton:

I was crying in my therapist's office just releasing some of that and it surprised me.

Misty Compton:

I was, I even told my therapist, I'm , I didn't think it bothered me that much.

Misty Compton:

But yeah, so the tapping definitely is very therapeutic and I don't know

Misty Compton:

how it works so well because it seems these techniques are somewhat simple, but maybe just having somebody walk you through it is helpful versus just trying to do it on your own.

Misty Compton:

I documented all the things that happened, my observations, and it was more of a self realization journey and healing just for me.

Misty Compton:

But after I took the time to go through therapy and heal, , myself, my husband actually suggested maybe I write a book about it because I mean, other daughters are going through the exact same thing as me.

Misty Compton:

I know when I was trying to figure out what was going on, why do my mom and I not see eye to eye and why does she treat me differently compared to my siblings?

Misty Compton:

And , there were so many red flags , there's so many questions and I couldn't find any answers and I couldn't figure out , should I go no contact?

Misty Compton:

, should I keep my relationship with my mother?

Misty Compton:

What are the negatives that would happen to me in my life?

Misty Compton:

Would I regret my decision with cutting ties with my mom?

Misty Compton:

I've got two little brothers and there's a big age gap and they still live at home.

Misty Compton:

Will my two brothers forgive me when I'm older and I'm still waiting for that answer too.

Misty Compton:

But having a book about it I feel can definitely relate to people with younger siblings, but writing the B, the book ultimately is to help other daughters first discover the

Misty Compton:

Maybe they have bipolar or narcissistic personality disorder.

Misty Compton:

And it's not just toxic behaviors, which, oh, I feel a lot of people have one or two, but when it's a lot, it definit.

Misty Compton:

It makes a negative impact on you and your life.

Misty Compton:

But so I wanted to help people discover like this, these are some things that happened to me that might have happened to you.

Misty Compton:

So if they're in that, that phase of their life, that would help them then go on to decide, should I keep contact?

Misty Compton:

Should I limit contact, or cut all ties?

Misty Compton:

And again, I said before, I want more people to be with their families.

Misty Compton:

I think that is, The best thing, I don't, I don't think anybody should have to break up a family, but it's not always doable in our world, right?

Misty Compton:

We don't live in a black and white world.

Misty Compton:

It's all gray.

Misty Compton:

And , sometimes blood isn't thicker than water and.

Misty Compton:

So you have to make that decision for yourself.

Misty Compton:

Can you hold your own boundaries to toxic people in your life?

Misty Compton:

Or are you bringing their behaviors home and treating your spouse, your children, your friends, the way your mom or your dad is treating you, or the toxic person in your life is treating you?

Misty Compton:

And , if you can't, then maybe you gotta step away.

Misty Compton:

Maybe it's not let's cut ties forever.

Misty Compton:

, it could just be, I just need space.

Misty Compton:

Maybe I'll just talk to them less often.

Misty Compton:

But if it's every single time you talk to them, it's two steps back.

Misty Compton:

And so you just have to make that decision for yourself.

Misty Compton:

So I'm hoping that my book brings awareness to people that it's , should I cut ties or should I?

Misty Compton:

The tie with my parents, , what's more beneficial?

Misty Compton:

Can I work through this?

Misty Compton:

Can I build my boundaries strong enough and push through this to keep this relationship?

Misty Compton:

Is it worth it?

Misty Compton:

And so that, that was the big reason for my book.

Misty Compton:

And on top, the last lesson I really wanted to get across in my book is, you're not a victim.

Misty Compton:

And I feel a lot of people get stuck in that victim mentality where, , these things happen to you..

Misty Compton:

But once you're aware of them, you're no longer a victim.

Misty Compton:

, it's happened in your past.

Misty Compton:

And so now it's up to you to choose to be a survivor or thrive in your new life.

Misty Compton:

You can't just label yourself a victim and roll over and just let life control everything.

Misty Compton:

You need to take control.

Misty Compton:

You need to take the reins of your life and not label yourself as a victim., you're just sitting in this little rut and , you're purposely sitting in the hole digging the hole deeper.

Misty Compton:

You're digging yourself farther into the hole, . So those were the three main things I really wanted to get across in my book.

Catherine:

That's a phenomenal statement with regard to being a victim or not being a victim.

Catherine:

The release of this book it's globally helping to transform lives and understand routes that there are routes to take to protect themselves and to move forward.

Misty Compton:

Don't give up on yourself, because it's really easy.

Misty Compton:

It's easier to just go with the flow and let things control you versus you control yourself and take accountability and responsibility for yourself and your life.

Misty Compton:

I think therapy is super helpful once you get to that point that you're ready for it.

Misty Compton:

. Once you are aware of the abuse, don't keep watching videos about it and don't keep, , communicating and Facebook groups about it, because I realized I was doing that for a while and I just

Misty Compton:

I wasn't growing and moving forward with my life.

Misty Compton:

I was trapping myself and.

Misty Compton:

Once you've done the healing and you're aware of it, it's time to start moving on and on to new things and building boundaries instead of focusing on what they did to you.

Catherine:

I think that is a big, big, big plus, , for you as you continue to move forward with positive imprints.

Misty Compton:

Mm-hmm.

Catherine:

Do you see in the future ever healing those ties

Catherine:

with your family?

, Misty Compton:

there's definitely been times, especially since I've had my son, that I've thought about this and I didn't want, the sole reason I connect back with my mom was because I had a kid.

, Misty Compton:

I didn't wanna be , oh, as soon as I have a kid, I don't want him to not have a grandma.

, Misty Compton:

Even though there's a lot of guilt with that.

, Misty Compton:

It's , my son's not gonna get to meet his grandmother.

, Misty Compton:

At least that's where I'm at right now.

, Misty Compton:

If my mom wanted to meet with me and talk and go for a coffee, I would say yes.

, Misty Compton:

I'm very open to that.

, Misty Compton:

She's got, , all these connections ways to contact me so she can call me text.

, Misty Compton:

Send messages on Facebook, everything.

, Misty Compton:

I have her unblocked on everything, and so it's , it's been three years and she hasn't reached out to me, which almost solidifies her, I guess, her lack of love for me.

, Misty Compton:

And I just don't feel that's normal for a parent to give a daughter three years of space if that's what she thinks.

, Misty Compton:

That's what it is.

, Misty Compton:

, but I'd be definitely open to having a relationship with her , now or in the future.

, Misty Compton:

, I've done my healing and so I feel like I'm able to communicate with her and not let my emotions control me.

, Misty Compton:

So,

Catherine:

Hmm.

Catherine:

So now that you're done with the book, are you back to freelancing and.

Catherine:

Doing other work or are you taking some time off to be with your son?

Misty Compton:

So I did take off some time to be with my son, , six weeks, and now I'm back to freelance writing for a couple clients at least part-time.

Misty Compton:

And on top of that, I'm gonna be a co-author in Lori Monaco's book, in February of next year for her Badass Story, part three.

Misty Compton:

. And so in that book, I'm gonna be writing a chapter based on where I'm at in life now, now that I have my own son.

Misty Compton:

So it's coming from a different perspective of , , being raised by somebody with a narcissistic personality disorder and how it makes me feel and talk.

Misty Compton:

And I'll talk a little bit about the guilt and pushing past that now that I have a son.

Misty Compton:

And so it's kind of a different angle.

Misty Compton:

So I'm doing that project as.

Catherine:

Wow.

Catherine:

So you have, , lots going on,

Catherine:

So now Misty, where can people purchase your book and read it?

Misty Compton:

So they can purchase my book, Escapegoat Daughter on Amazon as both a paperback and a e-book.

Misty Compton:

And, the paperback, I think it's like 461 pages, but the font is bigger, so don't feel overwhelmed.

Misty Compton:

And it's page turner from what I've heard, so so they can buy it on Amazon.

Catherine:

And do you have a website?

Misty Compton:

MistyComptonauthor.com.

Misty Compton 01 Main Mic 00:26:07

And that's M i s t y c o M P t O N.

Misty Compton 01 Main Mic 00:26:12

Thank you for that.

Misty Compton:

Thank you.

Catherine:

So we always end with last inspiring words.

Catherine:

So what are your last inspiring words, Misty Compton.

Misty Compton:

So a big thing would be.

Misty Compton:

forgive, but forgive yourself.

Misty Compton:

Forgiveness should be for yourself and not for other people even though you hear people use that sometimes as a manipulation thing, you know, forgive me, forgive others, but really you should be forgive yourself.

Misty Compton:

Cuz once you can forgive yourself, then you can move on with your life and forgiving others comes with it

Misty Compton:

at the end.

Misty Compton:

And so just forgive yourself and don't hold on to or try not to hold on to doubt or guilt and just grow into the beautiful person that you know you are.

Catherine:

Misty Compton, that is awesome.

Catherine:

And thank you for the beautiful you and for gosh, taking that step forward to continue with your own positive imprints, thank you again for being here on the show.

Misty Compton:

Thanks.

Catherine:

We'll take care of yourself and love yourself every moment.

Catherine:

, I'll see you next week with another episode of your positive imprint.

Catherine:

Thanks for listening and supporting the show.

Catherine:

And don't forget to share this episode as well as download, subscribe, or follow your positive imprint.

Catherine:

Your positive imprint.

2 Comments

  1. Misty Compton on 02/22/2023 at 2:03 AM

    Thank you Catherine for having me on your show! 🙂

    • Catherine on 03/04/2023 at 8:06 PM

      Misty, thank you for sharing your trials and tribulations and how you are transforming changes.

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