Misty Compton’s Journey Towards Self-Love

Forgiveness was a step Misty was able to take once she truly began loving herself.

Forgiving her mom was Misty's step in being able to move forward with her life with Kendall and their new son.

Her awareness of her own pain, her own life's mistakes was the start of Misty's forgiving of herself

and a new beginning with healing.

Hello, I'm Catherine, your host of this variety show podcast.

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What's your PI?

misty Compton left the criminal justice field to express herself through writing.

She's a freelance writer who spends much of her time mentoring others who suffer from anxiety.

She shared her positive imprints regarding freelancing on episode 143.

Misty says to be true to yourself and be authentic.

, today she provides positivity worldwide with her new book, Escapegoat Daughter, a memoir of one woman's decision to go No contact with her family.

Wow.

Deep title and we will hear all about it.

Misty, welcome back to Your Positive Imprint how are you?

Thanks, Catherine.

I'm doing awesome.

You mentioned a little bit about, , your history with anxiety and your family relationships, and so now you're putting it all out into the open and also mentoring others who are suffering from anxiety.

So the book that I finally wrote, , I needed some help to actually get to the point of actually writing it, , because it is a very sensitive story and topic.

, but I was able to write it because of my husband.

So kudos to my husband, Kendall . Gotta do that.

, so yeah, my book, Escapegoat Daughter is a memoir.

I started writing it September of last year and I was able to get it done, written in less than six months.

I edited it and I published it with the help of a memoir coach Carolyn Hamilton.

She is fabulous, so if anybody wants to write a memoir story, she's great.

, but so I was able to write my book and what my book is about is my discovery

of my mom's possible narcissistic personality disorder.

And I say possible because she's not formally diagnosed.

And it's just what I've seen, what I've researched and what I've observed.

It was originally a journal of my discovery of my mom's personality disorder and I turned it into a book.

Misty explains what a narcissistic parent is, and here's that excerpt from her book, escape, goat daughter, Kindle edition core cavity, LLC.

What does Nparents mean?

NParents means narcissistic parents.

Narcissistic tendencies, like grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of empathy.

According to HelpGuide.org people diagnosed with narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, are in love with a romanticized grandiose view of themselves.

They are in love with this inflated self-image because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity.

An unrealistic sense of self-importance, living in a delusion fantasy world of greatness, a sense of entitlement, a need for constant praise and attention, judging others

From there, I had to make this really, really hard decision, but I feel a lot of other daughters in the world that are struggling with this and their mothers.

do I keep contact with a toxic person?

, even though she's got the label of mom or he's got the label of father, it's , do I keep that in contact or do I cut ties or do I limit the contact I spend with them?

And so my book goes into details on first observing , the personality disorder and what it might look like..

And so it's relatable to other daughters going through this.

And then from there I had to pick between those three options of either keeping contact, , limiting contact or cutting all ties.

And I tried doing , the first two and it didn't help my life.

I'd come home and I was super negative to Kendall and my life was just very Broken and I couldn't sense why, I felt the way I did.

And you carry a lot of guilt with, , when you have relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorder, you put a lot of guilt on yourself and, , you wanna make them happy.

right.

And I just, I felt I could never make my mom happy, and it crushed me and it made me realize that our love was conditional and not unconditional, which it should be.

And it's sad, but you know, it's something that you have to be aware of and know that it's okay if you choose to go no contact like I did, where I cut ties with my mom

So that's a little bit about my book,

You've talked about journaling.

So how important and how far back does your journaling go?

Because I think that's something that's important for people to know that journaling is something that can help themselves.

So talk a little bit about the journaling and how far back it went and how it helped you to move forward with positive imprints in your own life.

And.

, A lot of it was just to document my feelings because sometimes it's really easy to avoid your feelings and then they pile up and then you really suffer from anxiety and depression and sometimes you can't

And so I started journaling about five years ago and I still journal.

Um, only the type of journaling I do now is more for my son my newborn.

I just had him in September, so I've been journaling weekly.

Thank you.

, yeah, I've been journaling weekly to him and it's almost a reassurance for me at the same time to let him know that I may make mistakes, but I want him to know that I love him unconditionally.

I wish my mother would've done something like that because then I would know for

that she did love me, but it doesn't seem like it.

We haven't talked in three years, but I have done a lot of therapy and the journaling has helped with my anxiety and depression.

, I also am taking antidepressant medication, which does help as well.

So talking, medication and journaling has all been beneficial.

And do you go back and read the journals

Yes, I do.

Whenever I'm feeling guilty and down

Let's talk about the narcissistic personality disorder and what it is.

So there's two types of narcissism.

There's a few more other types, but the main ones are covert and overt narcissist.

And overt narcissist in the psychological dictionary they have ways to treat an overt narcissist where they are very grandeur and they have this fake world set up around them

because they have low self esteems and, they feel they're superior than others and entitled, and they don't hold themselves accountable to mistakes.

They project, they do a lot of gaslighting, and so their feelings get pushed onto you.

So there's a lot of toxicity in that disorder, and oftentimes the person with the disorder doesn't even know they have it or they refuse to admit it.

, the covert narcissist is somebody who really pulls on your heartstrings, trying to guilt trip you.

They fake sicknesses.

It's more underhanded, which is really hard to, to see that they are a narcissistic person.

I think my mother was overt and I believe my older sister might have been covert.

Interesting.

And you talk a lot about that in the book.

And you had a lot of dialogue and a lot of texting between you and your family.

Now with your relationship

This anxiety and the depression, goes way back to, when you were just a toddler.

There's one part in the book in which Misty explains what happened to her beautiful hair.

And here is that excerpt from her book.

Escapegoat daughter

when I was eight my mother had gotten so fed up with taking care of my messy curly hair that she sliced it off.

I had stared at myself in the mirror.

A hideous boy had stared back.

He had a few inches of hair around his entire head.

He couldn’t hide the small jaw that when he looked down gave him a double chin.

He wore awkward oval-framed glasses.

His mouth was full of open gaps and crooked teeth.

On the side of his nose was a large and unattractive brown mole.

The repulsive witch boy in the mirror couldn’t be me, so I called him, “my ugly twin.” That night, I sobbed for hours and slept on a wet pillow.

But a lot of families, a lot of families have Miscommunications, , disconnections.

What makes the narcissism something that is different.

Right?

Every family has disagreements and you don't always get along with everybody in your family.

And I think personally, I think it's best to keep a family together even though I decided to cut ties with my family, there's reasons when you actually decide, okay, I'm gonna do this.

, this is not an easy choice.

It's not something that I wanted to

And it was really difficult.

, there's a lot of guilt with cutting ties with my family,

So the time that you're supposed to cut ties with family is when you can't hold your boundaries anymore.

And that was something that I saw in myself.

I couldn't keep my boundaries and.

With narcissistic personality disorder, it's an abusive circle.

So you get the honeymoon phase where they, they give you little pieces of love I, I care about you.

And you're , oh, they care about me.

And then they start sprinkling in little pieces of abuse, things they say or things they do.

And then when you try and bring it up , it's a full blown attack on you, and then you get punished for bringing up a problem versus resolving the problem and then the only way to fix it is by

And so it's very one-sided.

. So healthier families will have disagreements, but a family with a an abuser , this circle, this abusive circle.

And here's another excerpt from Misty's book describing her deep emotions.

As I sobbed alone at work, it reminded me of the countless times I wept in my bedroom as a child.

I had wished that my mother would walk in and wrap her arms around me.

Whisper in my ear, say she loved me, and would always be there.

I felt betrayed.

I felt robbed of my mother’s love.

abandoned.

Obviously cutting ties, that's not what anybody wants to do, but as you said, you have these boundaries and where do you go from there?

Yeah, I feel.

My book was a big key to a lot of this.

, for one, just getting the emotions out there, and I feel like a lot of women in general, I feel we have a problem with being assertive and holding our boundaries in general.

And there's plenty of coaches out there that can teach you to hold boundaries.

And I think a, a really key thing is, limiting beliefs.

You wanna cut those outta your life and just replace them with other things.

So instead of saying , this is what I always do and I don't have any , voice in this, you gotta change that and replace it with something more like,,

so I can stay healthy.

Whether it's a, a time boundary, an energy boundary, a money boundary.

there's plenty of different types of boundaries out there.

And so I think the key is replacing the old with new and healthy information.

And something I did to do that was go through multiple different types of therapy I went through

uh, I went through narcissistic abuse recovery coaching with a specialty person, and then from there I went and did cognitive behavioral therapy.

So just talk therapy.

But I realized after talking about it for so long, it's you can only talk about it for a certain amount before it starts just putting you back into the circle of abuse.

You're just reliving it and you're not actually fixing anything.

You're just talking about the same things over and over again, and it's up to you to release that, that negativity, the energy, but sometimes talking doesn't do that for you.

My poor husband, he was my coach for a while, and I would vent him all the time about all these stresses with my family, and he's not , , educated in therapy, right?

And so he's , I can only do so much.

And I realized even talking to my talk therapist, they can only do so much.

And so I dug deeper and I went into EMDR therapy.

. it means, eye movement, desensitization and processing.

It's something like that.

It's a long verbiage, but EMDR therapy is something that really digs down to the root causes, even from five years old.

some of these memories, you don't even think they're that, that prevalent in your current situation, but , sometimes you just don't feel the emotion when you're five years old or seven years old.

You just push it away and they get locked up inside of you.

So when you're 25 or 40 or 60, it's still with you.

And so doing emdr, it gets to that root cause and lets you release that emotion.

Um, through, , the EMDR techniques and so I would definitely suggest doing EMDR to help with the guilt and moving on past the abuse.

So you had that in your book and the first thought that I had, because it's eye movement, I wondered if it was a type of hypnotizing, but it's not.

So share a little bit about, , the technique

okay.

So there's a handful of types of EMDR techniques where it's you do tapping.

So you can tap your arms or you could tap your legs, or there's a machine that you hold in both your hands and it sends these signals to each hand, a little vibration.

Um, it just all depends on what you feel comfortable with.

And so for me it was tapping.

So I would tap my arms and I'd close my eyes and my therapist would walk me through just relaxing and first bringing up that negative thought, that negative

. And so there was points in there when I was six, seven years old.

Some of those memories were popping up and I would just cry.

I was crying in my therapist's office just releasing some of that and it surprised me.

I was, I even told my therapist, I'm , I didn't think it bothered me that much.

But yeah, so the tapping definitely is very therapeutic and I don't know

how it works so well because it seems these techniques are somewhat simple, but maybe just having somebody walk you through it is helpful versus just trying to do it on your own.

I documented all the things that happened, my observations, and it was more of a self realization journey and healing just for me.

But after I took the time to go through therapy and heal, , myself, my husband actually suggested maybe I write a book about it because I mean, other daughters are going through the exact same thing as me.

I know when I was trying to figure out what was going on, why do my mom and I not see eye to eye and why does she treat me differently compared to my siblings?

And , there were so many red flags , there's so many questions and I couldn't find any answers and I couldn't figure out , should I go no contact?

, should I keep my relationship with my mother?

What are the negatives that would happen to me in my life?

Would I regret my decision with cutting ties with my mom?

I've got two little brothers and there's a big age gap and they still live at home.

Will my two brothers forgive me when I'm older and I'm still waiting for that answer too.

But having a book about it I feel can definitely relate to people with younger siblings, but writing the B, the book ultimately is to help other daughters first discover the

Maybe they have bipolar or narcissistic personality disorder.

And it's not just toxic behaviors, which, oh, I feel a lot of people have one or two, but when it's a lot, it definit.

It makes a negative impact on you and your life.

But so I wanted to help people discover like this, these are some things that happened to me that might have happened to you.

So if they're in that, that phase of their life, that would help them then go on to decide, should I keep contact?

Should I limit contact, or cut all ties?

And again, I said before, I want more people to be with their families.

I think that is, The best thing, I don't, I don't think anybody should have to break up a family, but it's not always doable in our world, right?

We don't live in a black and white world.

It's all gray.

And , sometimes blood isn't thicker than water and.

So you have to make that decision for yourself.

Can you hold your own boundaries to toxic people in your life?

Or are you bringing their behaviors home and treating your spouse, your children, your friends, the way your mom or your dad is treating you, or the toxic person in your life is treating you?

And , if you can't, then maybe you gotta step away.

Maybe it's not let's cut ties forever.

, it could just be, I just need space.

Maybe I'll just talk to them less often.

But if it's every single time you talk to them, it's two steps back.

And so you just have to make that decision for yourself.

So I'm hoping that my book brings awareness to people that it's , should I cut ties or should I?

The tie with my parents, , what's more beneficial?

Can I work through this?

Can I build my boundaries strong enough and push through this to keep this relationship?

Is it worth it?

And so that, that was the big reason for my book.

And on top, the last lesson I really wanted to get across in my book is, you're not a victim.

And I feel a lot of people get stuck in that victim mentality where, , these things happen to you..

But once you're aware of them, you're no longer a victim.

, it's happened in your past.

And so now it's up to you to choose to be a survivor or thrive in your new life.

You can't just label yourself a victim and roll over and just let life control everything.

You need to take control.

You need to take the reins of your life and not label yourself as a victim., you're just sitting in this little rut and , you're purposely sitting in the hole digging the hole deeper.

You're digging yourself farther into the hole, . So those were the three main things I really wanted to get across in my book.

That's a phenomenal statement with regard to being a victim or not being a victim.

The release of this book it's globally helping to transform lives and understand routes that there are routes to take to protect themselves and to move forward.

Don't give up on yourself, because it's really easy.

It's easier to just go with the flow and let things control you versus you control yourself and take accountability and responsibility for yourself and your life.

I think therapy is super helpful once you get to that point that you're ready for it.

. Once you are aware of the abuse, don't keep watching videos about it and don't keep, , communicating and Facebook groups about it, because I realized I was doing that for a while and I just

I wasn't growing and moving forward with my life.

I was trapping myself and.

Once you've done the healing and you're aware of it, it's time to start moving on and on to new things and building boundaries instead of focusing on what they did to you.

I think that is a big, big, big plus, , for you as you continue to move forward with positive imprints.

Mm-hmm.

Do you see in the future ever healing those ties

with your family?

there's definitely been times, especially since I've had my son, that I've thought about this and I didn't want, the sole reason I connect back with my mom was because I had a kid.

I didn't wanna be , oh, as soon as I have a kid, I don't want him to not have a grandma.

Even though there's a lot of guilt with that.

It's , my son's not gonna get to meet his grandmother.

At least that's where I'm at right now.

If my mom wanted to meet with me and talk and go for a coffee, I would say yes.

I'm very open to that.

She's got, , all these connections ways to contact me so she can call me text.

Send messages on Facebook, everything.

I have her unblocked on everything, and so it's , it's been three years and she hasn't reached out to me, which almost solidifies her, I guess, her lack of love for me.

And I just don't feel that's normal for a parent to give a daughter three years of space if that's what she thinks.

That's what it is.

, but I'd be definitely open to having a relationship with her , now or in the future.

, I've done my healing and so I feel like I'm able to communicate with her and not let my emotions control me.

So,

Hmm.

So now that you're done with the book, are you back to freelancing and.

Doing other work or are you taking some time off to be with your son?

So I did take off some time to be with my son, , six weeks, and now I'm back to freelance writing for a couple clients at least part-time.

And on top of that, I'm gonna be a co-author in Lori Monaco's book, in February of next year for her Badass Story, part three.

. And so in that book, I'm gonna be writing a chapter based on where I'm at in life now, now that I have my own son.

So it's coming from a different perspective of , , being raised by somebody with a narcissistic personality disorder and how it makes me feel and talk.

And I'll talk a little bit about the guilt and pushing past that now that I have a son.

And so it's kind of a different angle.

So I'm doing that project as.

Wow.

So you have, , lots going on,

So now Misty, where can people purchase your book and read it?

So they can purchase my book, Escapegoat Daughter on Amazon as both a paperback and a e-book.

And, the paperback, I think it's like 461 pages, but the font is bigger, so don't feel overwhelmed.

And it's page turner from what I've heard, so so they can buy it on Amazon.

And do you have a website?

MistyComptonauthor.com.

And that's M i s t y c o M P t O N.

Thank you for that.

Thank you.

So we always end with last inspiring words.

So what are your last inspiring words, Misty Compton.

So a big thing would be.

forgive, but forgive yourself.

Forgiveness should be for yourself and not for other people even though you hear people use that sometimes as a manipulation thing, you know, forgive me, forgive others, but really you should be forgive yourself.

Cuz once you can forgive yourself, then you can move on with your life and forgiving others comes with it

at the end.

And so just forgive yourself and don't hold on to or try not to hold on to doubt or guilt and just grow into the beautiful person that you know you are.

Misty Compton, that is awesome.

And thank you for the beautiful you and for gosh, taking that step forward to continue with your own positive imprints, thank you again for being here on the show.

Thanks.

We'll take care of yourself and love yourself every moment.

, I'll see you next week with another episode of your positive imprint.

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