Education. A paradigm shift – Parent Empowerment with Punam Saxena

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What's your PI?.

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C H R I S N O L E.

Your positive imprint.

What's your P.I.?.

Punam Saxena's background is in special education where she educated autistic

students and students with profound, mental and physical disabilities.

But while in the classroom, Punam observed that parents were in need of resources and

better understanding of the academic needs of their child.

Today Punam is a voice and advocate for parents.

Her goal is to bridge the gap between parents and schools, and she has

a podcast EDU- Me and her coaching provides resources, insight, and a

practical footprint and a positive imprint for parents to become empowered

partners in their child's education.

Punam welcome to the show.

Thank you so much, Catherine.

I'm so excited to be here.

Chatting with you.

I am too.

And your background is in education.

That's my background.

And although I'm not in special education, but I have worked with so

many teachers and have coached teachers.

And I think that education has such moments of awe.

Oh, my gosh, this is so exciting.

This has been fulfilling and moments for children where they have a

breakthrough in their own successes.

Absolutely that, that when that light bulb goes off with a

student, there's nothing more gratifying.

Oh, sure, absolutely.

So now you have a background in education and you are also a first

generation American within your family.

Is that correct?

I am.

I am.

My parents immigrated from India in the sixties and came just in

time for the civil rights movement.

And of course of all places they could have chosen in the

country they landed in the South.

So they were in the middle of all of the excitement.

And I was born in Alabama and raised in rural Georgia.

So.

Yeah, it was an exciting, interesting, and transformational time.

Oh, I love that you used the word transformational because

transformational, as one of my guests said, you can't go back.

So, and that's, that's one of the wonders of that word.

So education and also psych let's say psychology I understand as

well from what I've read about you

Yeah.

So I have a bachelor's in psychology and a master's in education.

And it all kind of prompted from the fact of my own personal experience

growing up in rural Georgia.

We were the only Indians of Indian heritage from the country, India, which

you can imagine in the South, we'd been asked what tribe we have belonged

to, we were the only Indians in our community for the first 12 years.

And we learned a lot about the country that we chose to grow up in,

that we were raised in, but we also learned a lot about what America

is and how we can move forward.

So it was an education that we were getting as an immigrant family, but

also our friends and neighbors as well.

So Grew into a passion for teaching.

My father is a former professor at the university of Georgia and my

mother's a former second grade teacher.

So I come from a long line of educators, but it seemed to be the fit for me that

was best because when we educate people, we begin to expand our horizons, not

only their horizons, but our horizons.

And I want to be a learning being all the time and the best way that I knew

how to do that was to become a teacher.

And I will tell you, Catherine, I fell into teaching because you know, when you

grow up in a family of educators, you that's the last thing you want to be.

And yeah, that's exactly where you need to be.

My first job out of college was actually a class of

self-contained children with autism.

And it was, it was an eye opening experience to see how the bureaucracy of

education plays into the lives of these individuals who really don't fit the mold

of the mandates that are coming down from the federal and local governments.

I did that for gosh, almost 10 years until I had my oldest child and decided

I wanted to take a year off to spend time with her and kind of see if I

really wanted to go back to teaching.

And 10 years in teaching really taught me.

Cause I really don't like bureaucracy.

I understand that we need a system, but I don't know that we need a

system that's so narrow because people are not able to fit in a box.

We can't say that on January 1st, every child is supposed to know

what 2+2 is, because guess what?

Developmentally that doesn't happen.

And we're throwing in children with learning challenges and expecting that

same expectation and that's unrealistic.

So I learned that in that year off that I spent with my daughter.

And I decided that I really didn't want to go back to that.

I needed a break and lo and behold, within the next three and a half

years, I had three more children.

And for all those math wizards out there that are thinking that's

not mathematically possible, there are set of twins in there.

My last two were twins.

So that kind of solves the whole mathematical mystery.

When my oldest started to go to elementary school, I decided to

start volunteering in her classroom.

And obviously it was limited because I had three at home.

Gradually.

I started to find my space in the schools that was not bureaucratic.

I was able to provide the resources that the teachers needed so that

they felt that they had a support person without actually being tethered

to the bureaucracy of the school.

So I learned that I was becoming a partner with my children's teachers

and part of being a partner in your child's education or with your

teacher is to build a relationship.

Just like you build every other relationship on the planet you start with

trust and you have to build that trust.

And from that trust comes a relationship.

So I built that relationship and that trust with each of my children's teachers.

I had carved a niche out out for myself.

And I wanted to bring that opportunity to other parents because

as strange as it sounds to many of us, I was even involved in their

high schools at a very high level.

That doesn't happen for most high school parents because that's a

standoffish period in their lives where everyone's kind of is starting

to assert their own independence.

But I argue that that's when parents need to be involved because the exposure is

so high to things that that children are going to be exposed to and the real world.

And that's when they need some support.

Not in your face support, but just generic support and keeping

an eye out on your child.

So EDU-Me really was born from what I had been doing for so

many years with my, my children.

And I often would tell my children that I wasn't doing it necessarily for them,

that I was doing it for that child whose parents never walked through the

door and was unable to support them.

Because those are the

children that need our support.

Yes.

And there are so many that fall into that category and there are others that

certainly their parents are very active.

So I want to ask you, when you are building a relationship with a teacher,

did you find it difficult each year when you're starting brand new to start

building, and then once you have that relationship, then the school year ends

and you have to start all over again.

So talk a little bit about how you did that and how you were able to get things

working because you know, building a relationship can take weeks if not

months, and you don't have that luxury.

And neither does a teacher because a teacher has students for just

that one year, not even a year.

It's interesting.

I will tell you a funny story, and this is how the education, the parent

part of my education career started.

When my oldest started kindergarten, I walked into her kindergarten

class and of course they had little knickknacks for the kids to get

engaged and get to know each other.

I was watching my daughter and the kindergarten teacher walks over to me.

And she's just trying to get to know me as she was doing

to many of the other parents.

And so I said, I just want you to know that my daughter can read.

And I am certain that the kindergarten teacher, she, she was very restrained,

but I'm sure in her mind she was rolling her eyes saying of course!

Doesn't every parent say that about their incoming kindergartner,

but this kindergarten teacher did something amazing.

She would call every single parent in her child's class, two weeks after

kindergarten started to let them know how their child was adjusting.

And the first thing she said to me was, your daughter can read.

And I said, well, I'm an educator.

And I kinda know when my child can read.

And I wasn't being flippant about it, but that kind of broke the ice because I did

not tell her that to gloat, but to let her know where she could start with my child.

After those two weeks, the academic part became easy because

the teacher was able to adapt.

But what that did was it set precedent for the other teachers that my daughter had

because they would see that I was there, that I was involved, that I was not one of

those parents who just was blowing smoke.

I was going to tell them like it was, and that started with

that kindergarten teacher.

And by being honest with her and sharing with her, the challenges

that I was having as a parent and.

When she, my oldest started kindergarten I had, I had two, one and a half year

olds and the three and a half year old.

So they were all in strollers as I was rolling through the school.

And the other teachers would just stop and talk to the kids and

that's how I got to know them.

So that was elementary school.

Middle school and high school's a little different, we can agree on that.

That there's a little more hands off.

There's a little more independence

Certainly certainly.

and I never let that stop me.

I I'm an advocate for you and your school.

What can I do to help you?

And that's how I approached it.

So it's always been that way.

But I will say that , when you start to build that relationship, what

happens is, that the teachers and administrators see you as an ally.

So if I had a concern or something had happened to one of my children,

it was very easy for me to make an appointment with the teacher or the

principal and say, we need to chat.

And I would never go in assuming that my child was right.

I would always say, what behavior did my child exhibit that you feel this happened?

And that's how we would approach it.

The other thing that I did was I always took those challenges to them with a

solution.

We

is,

that is ideal.

That is,

that is definitely something that is admirable.

Okay.

Well, I feel like if you're going to, um, challenge someone's opinion, then you

should at least have taken the time to say, how can we problem solve this, this

not only for my child, but all children.

And so that's, I did that through middle school.

I did that through high school.

And in fact, I am looking to publish a book here soon, and I had the principal

of my children's high school,write

the Coda, he wrote the afterword for it after forward, whatever it's called.

And so he is, he wrote it and he sent me a very preliminary version.

And I thought, Oh my gosh, you have read my mind.

That's exactly what I wanted to do.

And it was to ensure that every child had the opportunity to

succeed.

I think one of the fears that some parents have is that

they'll be looked at and I'll tell you why that they'll be looked at

as instead of an ally that they might be looked at as intrusive.

And the reason I say that is because when I was a teacher in the classroom,

I still am an educator, but I'm not in the mainstream classroom right now.

But when I was in the classroom, I loved parents like you and I invited

the parents to come in and be in, in the classroom where their child

was so they could observe so they could learn what I am doing so they

could see what strategies I'm using

so they could go home and use the same strategies to help

their child academically.

That's how I approached when they wanted to come into the classroom

. Other teachers saw it as, Oh my gosh, they're in there to see what I'm

doing and to spy on me and to spy on the other kids and to make trouble.

And I would really like to see that as a, to see that separated

from the minds of teachers.

And I know there's parents that don't always have the school at

their best intentions and that they have an agenda, which is their child,

which is certainly understandable.

So how do you tell a parent right now that what, what they could say, what

they could do to put teachers' minds at ease so that that gap is being bridged

and the relationship is strengthening.

I would say, and I think you would agree with me that teachers really

can use the help and the support

Oh, I definitely

agree with that.

Oh my goodness.

Yes.

they, they need help.

And they're certainly not able to get it from the districts and the

governments, because that's just not the way our education system

is set up and we just don't have the financial means in that system.

But here's what you can do.

First of all, you have to, as a parent, realize that your child will benefit if

you come at it, if you approach helping teachers in schools from an authentic

place, I've always been an advocate for every student because when those students

succeed, so does my child and vice versa.

So we start to raise the level of education.

The difficulty that many parents that I have worked with have is that

they're coming in with the mindset of my kid needs this, this and this.

And I am in essence, demanding that my child had these privileges.

So what kind of system are we setting up?

We're setting up a, a system where the children are not earning their

place, and then we're sending them out into the world where

that's not how the world works.

You earn your spot from your hard work, your ethics, your social socio emotional

intelligence and your social skills.

So when we're not modeling that for our children in schools by, I use the

word demand and that's a harsh word,

But parents that.

They do.

My child, my child needs this.

My child got a C on the spelling test and it's going to lower their GPA.

Okay.

Guess what?

That's okay.

If we never teach our children to fail, then They never know

how to learn and get better.

And so to the parents out there, I would say, what is your purpose

of volunteering and helping?

Because if it's coming from a place where you're not helping every single

student then I would ask you to reconsider, because I would argue with

what you were saying earlier, Catherine, that teachers don't want intrusive

parents who have a single goal in mind.

Teachers want parents who have a global interest in every student.

And the other thing that I would say, and this is, this is something that I I have

said so many times to so many people.

If you do not want your child to be spoken ill of by other parents,

then you should not do the same.

So many times we go and talk to teachers about, well, you know, little Johnny said

this to my child or pulled, you know, her pigtail or, you know, complaining.

Where we really need to be teaching our children how to manage that and

let the child go to the teacher and say, you know, Johnny did this to me.

Would you mind keeping an eye out?

And I think that's how we not only built the opportunities for our children to

mature, but also for our relationship with our teachers to mature as well,

because the whole goal of education is to create productive citizens.

And if we can't do

that, then we just need to blow up the whole education system and do nothing.

And that's kind of harsh, but you know, isn't that the entire purpose

to equip them with not only the knowledge, but the social skills and

the team building skills that they need.

And that's what parents need to be partnering with their teachers

and is creating that continuity.

And I think you would see more teachers

say, please come into my classroom.

Yes.

And, and I think that you're giving some actual verbiage for parents to use when

they want to go in and become active, but it also gives validity to reasons why

a parent should become active and why a school should allow a parent to be active.

But you know, teachers with building a relationship and good strategic

role modeling, they can power down

parents so that a relationship can come of it.

You said it well, our job is to educate and to make citizens productive within

our society, within our community.

, it's a never ending platform of agendas and disagreements,

Yeah, one thing before you move on, Catherine, I wanted to share

is because I'm painting this very rosy picture of parent involvement in schools.

And I don't want any of your audience members to think that

we, my husband and I did not have challenges raising our children, our

children are by no means perfect.

We had challenges in schools.

They are kids.

We used it as a teaching moment.

To the schools, we always presented a United front and we protected

our child, but in our own homes, we absolutely used those experiences as

teaching lessons and throughout their educational careers I would like to put

out there that there were three teachers that we did not agree with at all.

It wasn't because let me put it another way.

We did not feel that they had our children's best interests at heart.

Now I'm not saying that there were not others, but the, these three

teachers were blatant in their, uh, Methodologies towards our children.

So the, those three teachers, I did go to the principal and

say, please see the email chain.

I don't think this is healthy for my child.

I would always present it back.

What are my options?

What can we do?

So.

I w I want you to know that parenting is not a rosy job all

the time, and everyone knows that, but there are ways to approach it.

And so from that day forward, my other three children or my other children did

not have that teacher, but three out of, you know, 60, 70 teachers that we had over

that course of our educational career, I don't believe is unreasonable because

the teachers that we did not agree with other than those three that's part of

working in a work environment, you're going to be on a team where someone's not

pulling their weight, or the team leader is not as strong as they need to be.

That's all part of how you cope.

Your job is still to get your homework done,

learn the material and get a good grade.

So as, as rosy, as I painted this picture of parent volunteering, that

it does come with the fact that I spent time getting to know their teachers.

And when I did bring a real life issue, that was insurmountable in my

opinion, then I was taken seriously.

It wasn't just me complaining.

I had valid reasons, but I always asked what are the options?

and again, that's a great way for parents to approach with so that

ice is broken and you can sit down and collaborate on the needs of your child.

Thank you so much for that.

Yes,

And tone is everything tone is everything

yes.

And yes.

So now that you were observing the needs of your children, the

needs of parenting and involvement and the need for strengthening that

relationship between parents and schools, you started EDU-me and that

has a load of resources for parents.

So talk a little bit about EDU me and the positive imprints that you're

bringing to the educational sector.

So I alluded to it earlier.

EDU-Me really is a branch of what I've been doing for the last 25 years.

It's trying to help parents understand that the bureaucracy

of education is just that.

And there are ways that we can make it more amenable for

our children and our teachers.

And one is to provide support.

One is to understand it in a way that takes a little bit

of burden off of our children.

Our children are faced with such a burden of testing and

grades and promotion retention.

It's a big topic of conversation for these children when they're taking

these high stakes state mandated tests.

Oh, if I don't pass this test, then I can not go on to the next grade.

I could be retained.

Okay.

I didn't know what the word retained was until I got a

retainer for my braces, you know?

I mean, so their, their depth of understanding and their depth of

anxiety is really, really high.

And.

EDU-Me is really wanting to break That barrier down for parents because

part of the reason, and we talked about some of the reasons parents

don't become involved, but another reason they don't become involved

is because they don't understand it.

It's so complicated.

There's nothing simple about the education system.

And I would argue almost every bureaucratic system out there.

It's just so complex, but when we can break down some of those things that

parents are constantly struggling with, especially those with special needs

and they had IEP and 504s and you're sitting in a room full of professionals.

And those professionals are telling you what your child's goal should be.

I'm going to say, no, they can guide you, but you as the parent, know

what you want your child to attain.

So we have to start breaking those barriers down.

And when we break that barrier down and we become a liaison, not only for

the teachers but for our children, then we really start to bring together

the, the fear, the vast differences in communication about education.

And I would say there's a vast communication disparity as

well as a knowledge disparity.

That yes.

And part of your bridging is to provide resources, to help them understand.

I know that you have a monthly forum or webinar or theme.

And I think that this is a good time for you to introduce those

themes so that listeners know what you have to offer at EDU-Me.

This year, thanks to COVID and lots of opportunity to think and

expand I am launching a monthly webinar.

So each month where we are tackling a different topic, relevant to parenting.

The podcast, the blogs and the webinar, will all work around that

topic are centered around that topic.

We talk about time management.

We can all be better time managers let's create a sustainable model for ourselves.

We're going to be talking about finding balance.

We often have a challenge finding balance in our day.

And I don't mean schedule wise.

I mean, reflective wise, taking care of ourselves wise, stepping back

and knowing what our boundaries are.

We're actually going to be talking about how to manage,

how to build relationships with

someone who is not necessarily your ally.

And I'm going to, I'm saying that in a long roundabout way of

saying, how do we handle bullying?

, we're going to be talking about stress and end of the year exams because no

one has stress at the end of the year.

Do they?

Yeah.

So, you know, it's really about trying to make

parenting more manageable and realizing that when we are partnering

with our schools, it all becomes manageable because we're all on the

same page.

Yes.

Well, I so much enjoyed this because of course it, it brings

back some of the things that I have advocated and put together as well.

And I thank you for sharing all of this and we like to end with

the last inspiring words of Punam.

Well, first of all, I would like to say thank you for this

opportunity, but also Catherine was on my podcast at the end of January.

So please do check out all of her wisdom on parenting and literacy and

how we can move the ball forward.

She's an amazing, amazing guest.

So I'm grateful for you for honoring me by

coming on.

Oh, thank you.

And you are welcome, but thank you for it

was a lot of fun.

it was.

a lot of fun.

So my, my, my words of wisdom are this.

Be mindful of what your purpose is, what you want.

To do and how you want to get there.

And the very last thing is, remember, your children are

modeling what you're putting out.

So those three earlier points are even more important because

someone is learning from you.

And I think we can all agree that we all want to do well for our children.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Punam Saxena thank you so much for your true, authentic self

and for expanding your horizons and those horizons of parents.

And of course, thank you so much for your efforts and your ongoing work in bridging

the gap between parents and schools.

And I know that the parents and teachers are so appreciative with

the resources that you are providing and the opportunities that you're

providing for them to understand, as you say, this, this system of

bureaucratic education so much better.

Punam thank you so much.

Thank you so much,